


just like a joke.

by valeskuh



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Character Study, Gen, Implied Childhood Sexual Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Just overall kinda grody and heavy, Murder, Patricide, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-04
Updated: 2017-09-04
Packaged: 2018-12-24 01:11:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12001809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/valeskuh/pseuds/valeskuh
Summary: dear, sweet lila.less of a mother to me, more of a bitch, with each time i slammed her head against the ground.





	just like a joke.

And she grappled for me, her hands clutching, claiming, desperate.

I could see the hazy, yellowish beginnings of a bruise forming on the inside of my wrist, and truthfully, I felt almost nostalgic.  
In the pit of my stomach, that familiar panic had settled.  
The cat and mouse feeling, the instinctual rush of adrenaline I'd felt as a child every time her or one of her drunken boyfriends approached me.

"This is funny. This is so funny! Just like old times, right, ma?"

Tears. Salty, hot, stinging the cut just under my jaw that her broken nails had left.  
Was I nine again? Was this more reminiscent of my thirteenth birthday? Maybe I was thinking of just last month, or the first time it happened. 

_Maybe she should have thought before she beat me._

Maybe she was sorry. Sorry for every mark she left, for every boyfriend she'd allowed to touch me. Maybe she was sorry for every scornful, drunken word.  
For the clumps of ginger hair scattered throughout the kitchen, the hair that her second boyfriend tore out of my head when he had his way with me.  
For the scar that went down from my shoulder to my hip, the one I got when she shoved me down the steps at age twelve... that I probably should have gotten stitches for.  
Maybe she was sorry, but remorse was lost on me. 

Blood, my mothers blood, was seeping into the skin of my hands, staining them. 

_I didn't have a choice. I didn't have a choice. I didn't have a choice.  
She pushed too far, she went too far._

Too far,  
too far,  
_too_ far.

Far too far. Maybe I drove the axe in too far- Maybe those were her brains I was seeing, but maybe I shouldn't have failed health class.  
Maybe I wouldn't be able to pull the axe out.  
Maybe she was sorry. _Maybe_ she was sorry.

Maybe _I_ was sorry.

What could I tell the cops?  
Was I even worried about the cops?  
I could hide her body. I could cut her up, throw her out with the rotting food she kept in the fridge.  
They wouldn't know. Nobody would notice, Nobody would care.  
Just another dead whore as far as they're concerned. 

Her blows were faltering. The weaker she became, the harder I hit, the deeper I cut.

Dear, sweet, Lila.  
Less of a mother to me, more of a bitch, with every time I slammed her head against the ground.

"J-J-J..."  
"What? Are you surprised? Are you surprised, ma?"  
A shrill laugh escaped my throat. How I could be laughing now was beyond me, but I let it out. I let my body shake with laughter.

"I'm surprised too, don't worry!"  
The gore smelled like iron, like rot.  
"I'm surprised I didn't kill you _sooner!"_

_She deserves it, she deserves it.  
She hurt you, she hurt you._

My throat clenches as her grip on my arm loosens. Her body goes slack, her eyes go dull.  
And I'm smiling- Why am I smiling?

"Aw. ma."  
I stand, kicking her lifeless body aside as I drop the axe. I lean against the wall, running a bloody hand through my hair.  
She looks better now, I think. Better with a bruised throat and a cracked skull. 

"Was the joke _that_ bad?"

**Author's Note:**

> hi!! uhh this is my first published fic thing ever so here ya go.  
> quick character study of one of my faves, love his crazy ass.


End file.
